“I believe this happened for a reason. I'm trying to figure out what that reason is, but I think it's playing out. This isn't talking about baseball. It's honesty, sportsmanship, how we portray each other. Those are all good things. None of this was intended. It just happened.”
Umpire Jim Joyce made those comments in the days following his call of “safe” on what would have been the final out of what appeared to be Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga’s perfect game in early June. While many of his teammates argued the call with Joyce, Galarraga merely smiled, humbly accepted the call and silently went back to the mound. Joyce said, “I have replayed that play so many times, my head hurts. All I can see is Armando Galarraga's face. He didn't say a word to me. When that happens, you think you're right.'' After he saw the replays, Joyce was devastated. He apologized to Galarraga and hugged him after the Tigers' 3-0 win. Galarraga said that he respected Joyce for speaking directly with him and admitting his mistake. This episode was one of those epic moments that not only shows sportsmanship at its best, but also consideration, respect, truthfulness, forgiveness, and, most of all, humility. Jim Joyce was overwhelmed by this experience that should have its own exhibit in the Baseball Hall of Fame for how Joyce and Galarraga graciously handled what could have been a difficult moment. They demonstrated a level of humility not often matched in professional sports.
Humility - in Hebrew, ANAVAH –stands at the top of any list of Jewish values for our behavior and character. During our summer study series based on Rabbi Joseph Telushkin’s book, A CODE OF JEWISH ETHICS, several congregants joined me in studying Jewish teachings about humility. We learned that Moses Maimonides, the great Jewish philosopher of the 12th Century, taught that we should place ourselves in the middle of the spectrum on most personality traits. He advised, “Don’t be hot-tempered or easily angered, nor should you be unfeeling. Keep an even disposition, reserving your anger for occasions when it is truly warranted.” However, when it came to humility, Maimonides was clear: “One should move away from the one end of the spectrum, arrogance, and adopt the other – extreme humility.”
We don’t have a specific prayer for humility in our prayerbook, but this value permeates our High Holy Day worship. It is at the foundation of admitting what we have done wrong, being willing to confess our sins, and acknowledging that we each have room for personal growth. There is, however, an 1800 year-old prayer about avoiding humility’s opposite – arrogance. Rabbi Judah Hanasi, the leader of the Jewish community in Palestine under the Romans, would pray these words silently to himself after concluding the T’filah with the prayer for peace: “May it be Your will, Eternal One, my God and God of my ancestors, to protect me, this day and every day, from insolence in others and from arrogance in myself. Save me from vicious people, from evil neighbors, and from corrupt companions. Preserve me from misfortune and from powers of destruction. Save me from harsh judgments; spare me from ruthless opponents.” When we discussed this prayer at the Board meeting on September 1, we noted how Judah Hanasi was both a rabbi leading the Jewish community and a representative to the Roman authorities. He dealt on a daily basis with prayer, Torah study and governmental politics. One could easily imagine why Judah would want to be saved from evil neighbors, corrupt companions, and ruthless opponents. By asking to be shielded from his own arrogance, Judah demonstrated an admirable level of self-awareness. He readily recognized that it was entirely possible, by virtue of his position of leadership, to unintentionally slip away from the humility which he hoped to sustain in his relationships with his colleagues and the entire community. Well before Maimonides established extreme humility as a goal for each person’s character development, Judah Hanasi realized that it was within his power to choose to be humble so that he could set an example for the people who looked to him for guidance.
Judah Hanasi needed only to look at his own heritage to find examples of humility. In the Bible, he would have read about Abraham cautiously approaching God in an argument regarding the planned demise of Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham prefaced his remarks to the Eternal One by saying, “I am but dust and ashes,” admitting that he didn’t think he was worthy to challenge God, although he continued to plead his case. Numbers Chapter 12 said of Moses: “Now Moses was a very humble man, more so than any other human being on earth.” Moses’ humility came from the fact that he didn’t seek his position of leadership – it sought him out and designated him for his mission to lead the Israelites to freedom. The prophet Micah proclaimed that, more than anything else, God requires us to “do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God.” Joseph Telushkin explained that it says “walk humbly with God” for a reason. If it only said, “walk with God,” people who believe that God is only on their side could become arrogant and cruel, committing acts of prejudice, hatred or violence in the name of God. Or, they may seek to relentlessly control a situation, whether through extreme rhetoric or hostile action. The Torah was teaching us that the best way to walk with God is with humility and modesty. That teaching of Micah, and the examples of Abraham and Moses, were wholeheartedly followed by students in the School of the renowned teacher Hillel 2000 years ago. The Talmud explained that rulings of the School of Hillel were accepted more often than the position of their colleagues and opponents within the school of Shammai. Why? Because the school of Hillel studied all the views of the School of Shammai, whether they agreed with those views or not. When students of the School of Hillel would discuss a particular issue, they would cite their opponents’ views before they stated their own. There were cases in which the School of Hillel adopted the views of the School of Shammai when they realized that the their opponents’ position made more sense than their own view. Imagine what our own political process would look like if more candidates would thoughtfully speak about the views of their rivals in the course of a campaign. And, picture, for a moment, a United States Congress in which more and more legislators would be humble enough to admit that some of the ideas of their political rivals have merit, rather than dismissing an idea simply because it emanated from a senator or representative who had the wrong party label. There have been times when this has actually happened. Perhaps some of us would agree that now would be a good time for this type of humility to enable our national leaders to find more common ground.
As I prepared to talk about humility tonight, I realized that I needed to follow the examples of Abraham, Moses, the School of Hillel and Judah Hanasi. Jewish tradition has much to say about specific rules regarding how to be humble. Before I went to Jewish texts, I asked my facebook friends and Temple members to define humility and offer examples of being humble. I am in awe of the responses I received. It is my honor to present these views about humility, with many of these statements echoing the most meaningful standards from our long Jewish heritage of study and commentary:
• Humility is being able to recognize that everyone, including ourselves, has flaws and not being too proud to admit when you are not always right.
• Humility is admitting my humanness, imperfections and all, to myself, God, and another human being. I am humbled when I receive the grace of someone’s love, forgiveness, or gratitude. I am humbled when I ask God for guidance, and I receive it.
• Humility is a virtue that I value highly. One approach is to identify the opposite of humility, which, I believe, is is arrogance. It is easier to spot an arrogant person than a humble person and so, by definition, the most basic aspect of humility is that all people are treated equal. The second defining quality is that humility values excellence in all things, but it doesn't define and value people by their accomplishments, money, possessions, children's accomplishments or even their clothing style. Humility tries to look past the obvious, the outer, the tangible toward what is intangible and lasting. The humble person realizes that in the scheme of things we are but a speck in the history of the world and there are forces much stronger, more enduring and powerful than a mere mortal.
• Humility is like Charlotte the spider in the book Charlotte's Web - Not proud and close to the ground.
• Humility may be doing something just because it is the right thing to do and not expecting recognition or reward or praise for one's actions, and putting others before oneself.
• Humility may be related to the word “humiliate” - Synonyms for humility are humbleness, modesty, unassuming nature, and meekness. Synonyms for humiliate are disgrace, put down, debase, and humble. To be humble is seen as positive. To be humbled or to humble another person is, in some cases, not so positive, and in others, unfortunately necessary.
• Humility comes when you realize that there are very few things that you can really know for sure about the bigger questions: how life began, God, whether your politics are really correct, whether your religion is any more on the mark than any other one, and what really motivates another human being.
• Humility is knowing what you can and can’t control, like the weather and, sometimes, emotions; knowing your limits and your strengths and using either at the appropriate time; appreciating the awesomeness of Creation. We are each a part of that bigger whole. Humility is being a parent or a teacher and being taught important life lessons - patience, unconditional love, stopping to smell the roses, see the bugs, or the "picture" in a cloud - by someone a generation or two behind you.
• Humility involves two intertwined concepts. Do be humble - one should strive to be modest and unimposing. Don't be arrogant - one should strive to be respectful of others' opinions and situations and not flaunt about one's perceived superiority. By being modest, one would not stand out in a crowd, and thus not bring unnecessary attention. Arrogance, while generally unappealing, will also result in intense scrutiny and possibly strong reactions. I guess this contributes to my defining myself as a 20th-Century man, one who values privacy, unlike today's culture where a Facebook wall proclaims everything for all to see. While I am proud to be who I am, I don't feel the need to share that without reason, in attempt to prove my worth to others. You might call this "Defensive Humility. "
• Humility is knowing your place in the world - not too great, not too small, and inhabiting that place with dignity and courage.
• Humility is the absence of “it’s all about me.”
• Humility is being aware and tuning in to others’ needs then placing their greater needs before your own; being very aware of your own egos' needs and stepping aside or down while you help to elevate the beauty in another; apologizing to someone you have injured when your ego was stamping its feet!!
• Humility is knowing when and HOW to say 'I'm sorry' by words and actions, and also to remember to say “thank you.”
• Humility is, whether working with others or dealing with family, when conflicts arise, seeing the other opinion as well as your own and acting on the conflict with an open heart. When another person has a glorified moment, humility is thinking of that other person first and rejoicing in his or her success before thinking about how that glory and success makes you feel about yourself.
• Humility is feeling overwhelmed at the thought of what someone has gone through, and silently acknowledging the challenges he or she has faced or still needs to face now. Examples are: seeing the tattoos of someone who has survived the holocaust; seeing a soldier with one leg; seeing a mom with a young baby, her head wrapped in a bandanna because she's lost her hair from cancer treatments. There's a feeling that there's nothing you could possibly do or say to take this thing away from them, though you really want to….The truth is, though, that people handle life's downfalls because they have to. There is no other option for them. That is what is really humbling.
• Humility is about taking one's self out of the equation.
• Humility is helping to face a crisis without feeling the need to tell people what we have done, leading by example, not by statement.
• Humility is being a lifelong learner and willing to accept that others have knowledge to offer you. Even if you think you know it all, you have something to learn from everyone. Humility is the point when you truly listen and hear the wisdom that surrounds you.
• Humility is recognizing your own gifts but being able to see and stand in awe of the gifts of others, and to acknowledge how the strengths, abilities, and talents of others can inspire us to better ourselves.
• Humility is recognizing that some of the annoying behaviors of people in our lives may be, in part, their responses to what they experience as our annoying behaviors.
• Humility is a state in which one recognizes that he/she is no more or less important than anyone else, in the grand scheme of things.
• Humility is realizing that we are but a part of a universe filled with awe-inspiring miracles.
• Humility is related to and expressed through gratitude.
• Humility is realizing that you may not be indispensable, but that you are definitely special for the unique perspective and gifts you bring to others.
• Humility can mean preparing yourself to let go of what is yours so that others can take up the mantle.
Many of these definitions of humility came together for me as I reflected on the book, The Council of Dads, by author Bruce Feiler. This book chronicled Feiler’s months of diagnosis and treatment for bone cancer in his leg. He knew he wanted to leave to his wife and daughters a special legacy in the event that he might not survive the treatment. Feiler described his feelings at not being able to share in the future of the lives of his daughters in this way: “Would they wonder who I was? Would they yearn for my approval, my love, my voice? A few days later, I imagined a way I might give them my voice. I would reach out to six men, from all parts of my life – beginning when I was a child and continuing through today. These are the men who know me best. The men who share my values. The men who know my voice.” After he completed his treatment and recovery, Feiler created a national movement by which fathers facing challenges to their health and well-being could create their own council of dads and share their legacy. I was struck by Feiler’s comments about the parent-child relationship and how it relates, in many ways, to humility across the generations: “If the paradox of being a parent is that we must make ourselves unneeded, the paradox of being a child is that you discover how much you need your parents only after you think you don’t. You spend your whole lives making yourself independent. You go forth on your own. And at exactly the moment you stop listening to us, you finally hear what we’ve been saying all along.”
Humility is not only about what happens inside of us in our attitudes towards others, but also about the fact that we need each other – as companions, as sources of support and comfort, as partners in facing moments of joy and in meeting difficult challenges, as friends, as teachers, and as fellow travelers who will gaze in wonder at life’s landscape as we continue on our journey. It was that sense of wonder and an awareness of life’s “big picture” that led Umpire Jim Joyce and Pitcher Armando Galarraga to a shared moment of humility, mutual respect and grace. And at this moment, in the sanctuary, recognizing how much we need one another is at the heart of these High Holy Days, because our prayers of confession are spoken with the word “We,” not “I.” As members of a KAHAL KADOSH, a sacred community, we are all responsible for helping each other grow in integrity and humility, and not only thinking in terms of avoiding arrogance. Rabbi Judah Hanasi’s prayer about arrogance can easily be turned into a meditation that can lead us along the path towards making greater humility an integral part of our character. I share this with you as we face the coming year together: May it be Your will, Eternal One, our God and God of our ancestors, to keep us in the presence of those who are kind and respectful and to preserve humility in ourselves. Enable us to find people of integrity, good neighbors, and honest companions. Open our eyes to the goodness around us and to the power and wisdom that can create such goodness. May we positively judge ourselves, our neighbors and even those who disagree with us. And always enable us to see the spark of God that lives within all people and that resides within the world around us.” On this Day of Atonement, so may we do as a humble and holy community and congregation. And let us say Amen.
Thank you to my colleagues and teachers…….
Michael Behrendt, Carol Birch, Cathi Cherry-Liston, Andy Diengott, Jonathan Flagg, Roberta Goldsmith, Scott Halasz, Ann Isacoff, Betty Kaplan, Mike Kahn, Rhonda Karol, Glicka Kaplan, Carole Krassner, Susan Liotta, Julie Low, Cathy Lesser Mansfield, Marilyn Mars, Joshua Meyrowitz, Alan Nasberg, Rabbi Louis Rieser, Jessica Rouchard-Vollmer, Rabbi Sarah Niebuhr Rubin, Susan Fellner Schanerman, Julie Serrano, Karen Shectman, Warren Sickel, Ruthie Spiero, Andrea Riccardi Stone, Randy Thomas.
